Ornithorhynchus Paradoxus
Like Thomas plunging prurient fingers
into Christ’s bleeding side, Shaw slid
scissors under brittle skin, snipped
through dead fur to search for stitches
where none existed. Impossible
that such a creature could evolve;
bird bill and feet, beaver tail, venom
snake-like in a spur on the ankle,
blind young slithering from eggs to suck
milk from mother’s skin instead of teats.
Surely this was another jackalope.
Only man could conceive of such a farce.
But still it swims in southern waters,
safe now from hunters and tanners, ogled
endlessly by scientists who seek some sign
from worn and scratched fossil records.
Play them backwards and perhaps we’ll hear
a secret message from the divinity, a whisper
soft as a sleek body sliding through water,
telling us to be not faithless, but believing.
Tags: Poetry
Wow, love this one, Valerie! There are stranger things in heaven and earth…
The opening lines sure grabbed hold of this reader; well done!
The platypus is indeed a very singular quadruped, one that has always struck me as God’s way of saying: Here. Figure this one out.
A platypus…wow! I thought you were discribing an old girlfriend…
This is fantastic. Only two lines stuck with me: the “But still it swims in southern waters” sounds trite to me, though I can’t put my finger on why, so it might just be a personal quirk that makes me react that way. Also, the last line feels pat and obvious; I think the sentiment is fine, but I suspect there’s a less obvious, more interesting way to state this.
These may seem like minor things to pick on, but I only do so because I would hate to see two weak lines hobble what is otherwise an excellent piece of work.
Should have proofed what I wrote: I mean to say “two weak lines stuck out”, not “stuck with me”. I assume you knew what I meant but thought I should clarify.
It may be the excessive sibilance of that line bothering you… let’s see if I can tweak that. I’ll also see what I can do with the end. Thanks!
I think the last four lines definitely can be tweaked, as the rest of the lines before them are quite strong. Perhaps instead of a period after records, can be a comma, that may open up how to rework the rest of the lines.
Hey there.
Great stuff. I especially enjoyed the first stanza.
On twitter, you commented about the last line. How about something like:
“Read them backwards and perhaps we’ll hear
a secret message from the divinity, a whisper
soft as a high wind sliding over sand,
guiding us forward through the faithless desert.”
Just a thought.