Ornithorhynchus Paradoxus
Like Thomas plunging prurient fingers
into Christ’s bleeding side, Shaw slid
scissors under brittle skin, snipped
through dead fur to search for stitches
where none existed. Impossible
that such a creature could evolve;
bird bill and feet, beaver tail, venom
snake-like in a spur on the ankle,
blind young slithering from eggs to suck
milk from mother’s skin instead of teats.
Surely this was another jackalope.
Only man could conceive of such a farce.
But still it swims in southern waters,
safe now from hunters and tanners, ogled
endlessly by scientists who seek some sign
from worn and scratched fossil records.
Play them backwards and perhaps we’ll hear
a secret message from the divinity, a whisper
soft as a sleek body sliding through water,
telling us to be not faithless, but believing.
Tags: Poetry
Wow, love this one, Valerie! There are stranger things in heaven and earth…
The opening lines sure grabbed hold of this reader; well done!
The platypus is indeed a very singular quadruped, one that has always struck me as God’s way of saying: Here. Figure this one out.
A platypus…wow! I thought you were discribing an old girlfriend…
This is fantastic. Only two lines stuck with me: the “But still it swims in southern waters” sounds trite to me, though I can’t put my finger on why, so it might just be a personal quirk that makes me react that way. Also, the last line feels pat and obvious; I think the sentiment is fine, but I suspect there’s a less obvious, more interesting way to state this.
These may seem like minor things to pick on, but I only do so because I would hate to see two weak lines hobble what is otherwise an excellent piece of work.
Should have proofed what I wrote: I mean to say “two weak lines stuck out”, not “stuck with me”. I assume you knew what I meant but thought I should clarify.
It may be the excessive sibilance of that line bothering you… let’s see if I can tweak that. I’ll also see what I can do with the end. Thanks!
I think the last four lines definitely can be tweaked, as the rest of the lines before them are quite strong. Perhaps instead of a period after records, can be a comma, that may open up how to rework the rest of the lines.
Hey there.
Great stuff. I especially enjoyed the first stanza.
On twitter, you commented about the last line. How about something like:
“Read them backwards and perhaps we’ll hear
a secret message from the divinity, a whisper
soft as a high wind sliding over sand,
guiding us forward through the faithless desert.”
Just a thought.
nice..all the things we can’t explain and try to discuss them away, proof them wrong and still…love the images here, speaking a strong, clear language and then the closure has an almost dreamy, weightless feel to it…fine write val
haha love that play them backward and maybe you will hear a message from divnity…smiles…great touch…and the wonders of this world are pretty amazing and sometimes hard to figure…great write…
Yes, that sneaky platypus has confounded scientists for centuries. Fun that scratched fossil record/ play backwards bit!
Very cleverly woven tale. I for one am so happy they are safe from extinction and from hunters too.
Lovely piece of work.
Wow! This is really great! You weave a great story!
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/our-galaxy-grand/
Jackalopes! I have seen them – or at least their mummies – so I am believer, I guess. For the evidence is there, ain’t it? Great poem, great humor. Your conclusion brings it around to what might be the most final answer of all to life, a smile and an ear open to the (maybe) coming laugh back from a most unexpected place.
Don’t change a word! This poem is perfect. Yes. Wish I’d written it.
The universe is filled with inexplicable wonders, things so weird as to seem impossible. Yet they just are. It’s a conundrum.
Play them backwards and maybe there will be a message from the divinity, but maybe all it will say is “Paul is dead.” And we know how that turned out.
I agree with Sam! no changes needed! I think this is one of the first pieces i have read of yours- and wow- the word usage and imagery is so strong- plunging fingers into christs side- i got a real strong senese that man ‘plunges’ too far sometimes in his need for understanding- and that he needs to sometimes just ‘be’ at one with the worlkd in whcih he is part of (not above)- this was great…